I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with my mom today.

To update on her condition, they were able to do her surgery on Monday. They found that the bone was as thin as eggshell, and unfortunately it fractured during the surgery. They were still able to implant the rod and patch up the bone, but her recovery is going to be longer and more painful than originally thought.

As for the unpleasant conversation, my mom has a man living with her who is a heavy smoker. For reasons we haven't been able to fully discuss (the roommate himself is a pretty touchy subject) she lets him smoke inside.

This makes her house and everything in it reek. I go over there and my eyes water, my throat gets irritated, and my athsma flares up so I start wheezing. Plus it permeates my clothes and hair and I have to immediately strip and shower when I get home. It's not pleasant. Usually we're only there about once a month, so I just put up with it.

Unfortunatley, due to her new condition, she's going to be spending much more time at home and will probably be needing some kind of help around the house. I had to let her know today that if she was still going to let him smoke inside I couldn't come over to her house.

Aside from the irritation and wheezing, I'm concerned about the effects of secondhand smoke on my health. As DH and I get closer to having a family, I worry about this more. I knew I would have to stop going over there when I got pregnant, and I would never be able to bring the baby over with the smoke, but I figured I needed to have the conversation sooner so she can make plans for how she's going to manage her life.

She seemed really shocked and didn't say much. My mom tends to shut down in uncomfortable situations and I think that's what she did. She finally mumbled something like "you need to do what you think is best" and kind of pretended to sleep for a few minutes. Then she changed the subject and we had a pretty good visit for the next few hours.

I know I hate how I feel and smell when I hang around her place. I know secondhand smoke is dangerous and I shouldn't be forced to be exposed to it. I know I need to look our for our future baby's health. I know it's not unreasonable to ask him to smoke outside.

Then why do I feel like such a heel? I feel like I'm rejecting my mom and abandoning her while she's down. I already told her I could still pick up/drop off things at the house and drive her places. Also, DH and I are going to get our own ramp so she can come over to our place anytime. But I still feel like an awful person for doing this.

I hope we can work something out...