So Now What?

A couple of months ago we had a friend's kids stay with us while their parents went on a second honeymoon.

Things went pretty well until they came home from school the first day. That's when I realized DH and I don't own a single pencil!

They hadn't brought one home with them, and the youngest is still at the age where he's expected to do his work in pencil, not pen.

We had no idea what to do. Just as I was contemplating calling the neighbors asking to borrow a pencil, DH unearthed a drafting pencil that had been included in the tool kit we got when we closed on the house.

Great. Problem solved, right? Wrong. The pencil needed to be sharpened. If you don't own a pencil, you sure don't own a pencil sharpener. Luckily DH solved that one pretty easily--he used his multi-tool to whittle it down to a point, which the kids thought was the coolest thing ever.

So we were back in business and doing OK for a couple of minutes until the poor kid made his first mistake. Now you know if we don't own a pencil or a sharpener, we sure don't have an eraser, right?

Thankfully, his sister is at the age where they trade all kinds of cutesy things with each other, and she happened to have an fruit-shaped eraser in her backpack. Finally the poor kid could do his homework!

I had forgotten all about it until recently, when the story came around back to be through the neighborhood grapevine. Apparently the kids thought this was the funniest thing in the world and delighted in telling everyone the story about the house without a pencil!

Teeth are expensive!

I just had the cats into the vet for teeth cleaning today--between the cleaning and the kidney infection they found in Diana, I walked out just shy of $600.

What's more, I had been having trouble with one of my teeth--it hurt and things kept getting stuck in there. I went to the dentist only to find that an entire piece of the tooth chipped off. There was a large filling in the tooth and it's possible that it just wasn't strong. Since there's already a filling and I'm missing a big chunk, they need to do a crown. Lovely.

My gums have also started receding a bit, so I need a deeper cleaning on my molars. Plus I've got 5 (count 'em, 5!) small cavities on various molars. I swear I brush my teeth--I just have super deep grooves in my molars and they can be prone to decay. Between the crown, cleaning, and cavities, I'm looking at $1,100 out of pocket!!!

Who knew teeth could cost so much money?

At least it feels that way!

My eyes have been steadily getting more and more irritated over the past few months. At first I figured it was just a tired pair of lenses (I wear the Night & Day kind you can leave in for 4 weeks), then I thought it was allergies, or possibly conjunctivitis.

So, I took myself to the eye doctor and found out I've got some kind of unpronounceable condition that basically means I have tiny little bumps under my eyelids that are irritating my eye.

I guess it's pretty common for contact uses who have a bad habit of sort of fudging the replacement date on their lenses.

Yes, I was a bad girl. I figured they were still working fine and they didn't hurt at all, so 4 weeks started becoming 6, then 8, and I think once even 12! And it finally caught up with me.

So now I can't wear any contacts for the next 6 weeks. Then, depending on how I'm healing, I might be able to start wearing them again on a limited basis and work my way back up to someday being able to wear them overnight again.

So, moral of the story kids, when they say 4 weeks, they acutally mean 4 weeks!

At least glasses are less expensive than contacts. But I still miss my contacts so much!

...off to work I go...

I did a preliminary run through our taxes today, and it looks like we're going to owe about $500 between the feds and the state.

Anyone want to lend me a kid for a week or two? :-)

And for once it was actually me!!!

A while back we started getting a flurry of junk mail with people offering to collect a government refund on our behalf (and help themselves to 35%, of course). I threw away the first several without a second glance, but when they kept coming I starting wondering if there was actually something legit behind it.

All of the junk mail mentioned a HUD refund, so I went to the HUD website, plugged in our name, and lo and behold, there it was! We were due a refund from part of the interest on our first mortgage, and they hadn't been able to locate us when we were between houses.

So I called the number listed, and after a couple of tries we got connected to a man who confirmed our refund and then gave me a list of a whole bunch of things that we would need to get together and fax in (a letter, a sales statement from the old house, etc). It honestly sounded like a pain and while I totally intended to do it, I had been procrastinating just a wee bit.

I was totally shocked to check the mail today and find a check from the US Treasury for the full amount! I guess they were able to track down the details on the first check they sent us and just re-cut it.

So now we've got a tidy little bonus and I didn't have to do hardly any work. Who says laziness doesn't have it's rewards? :-)

I just paid off my student loan! Admittedly, it's not really saving me much money as the balance was tiny and the interest rate was low, but it still feels so great to have it done!

Now, on to DH's loans...

Whoops!

The grocery budget got a little out of hand this month. Of course I should have been expecting that since we've been eating in for almost all meals. It actually does take more groceries to cook 6 dinners a week instead of 2. Whouda thunk it?

The other problem is that I've been getting a little careless about the want it, grab its at the grocery store. I've got money in the budget for a treat or two but it can't get out of line.

Today, aside from what I was supposed to buy, I bought a carton of ice cream for me, some no sugar added ice cream bars for DH (Blue Bunny Turtle Bars--soooooo good, even w/o sugar!), some no sugar added pudding cups, a small packet of yogurt raisins, and a tin of mixed nuts. One or two of those would have been fine, but not all of them!

The good news is I think I can make it through to the 10th on $9. The pantry is full, we've got plenty of toiletries, I've got meat and veggies in the freezer and enough fresh and juice-packed canned fruit to make it though.

If we do go over, it will probably be from kitty litter. The money will have to come out of the fun money. And next time I'll be more careful!

Tonight's dinner will be enchiladas filled with chicken, beans, corn, and cheese in low carb tortillas (Buena Vida makes great lc tortillas!), oranges, and green beans. There should be plenty left over for a lunch or two (or ten--it's a big pan!)

DH got home from the hospital Friday, which was great news! He seems to be doing pretty well. He has to take an antibiotic for 2 weeks and take it somewhat easily physically, but is otherwise none the worse for wear.

The identified his infection as an aggressive strain of strep bacteria. The infections disease doctor said that with this bug some people notice a little bump one day and by the next morning their life is in danger! Very scary. I'm very glad we went to the ER when we did. And, of course, thank God for health insurance.

Until DH's blood sugar is back under control, I've declared a halt to all eating out. It's just too hard to get a meal that fits DH's guidelines. Why spend money to go somewhere and be tempted by all sorts of things that aren't good for you to eat and then pay money for a meal you didn't really want. Maybe later when we're a bit better at keeping things under control we can slowly start looking for good places to eat out. Until then, it's 100% at home.

This is quite a culture shock to us. It's kind of embarassing to admit, but we've gone entire weeks without cooking dinner in. And even a "good" week would have us eating out for several meals.

I think it's going take some practice to get good at this. I would appeciate any advice! I keep finding myself caught without the food I need to make what I want. Like I'll want to make a chicken dish, and realize we have no meat defrosted. Or I'll want to make a casserole and find out I'm missing a key seasoning.

I think the key is going to be a lot of advance planning, and also keeping a better pantry and freezer stock than I have been. This is going to be an adventure, but I'm sure it will be really good for us in the end!

Here's my bit:

You don't need it! It's amazing how little we really need to get by and live a happy life. The human race survived millions of years without the iPhone.

To that end, here's some tips:

1.) Don't tempt yourself. Don't hang out at the mall for fun. Don't read catalogs. Don't spend hours at Amazon.com. Giving yourself less opportunities to see things to buy gives you more time to enjoy what you have. Take a walk, watch a movie, or call a friend instead.

2.) Do the "cart purge". Anytime you're at the store, stop right before you check out and remove at least one thing from your cart. You didn't need it.

3.) As another poster mentioned, follow the 24 hour rule. If you're making a large or unplanned purchase, tell yourself that you can come back an get in 24 hours. Half the time you will have forgotten about it by the time you reach the parking lot.

DH got admitted to the hospital this week. Poor guy got an abcess, which is bad enough on its own, but it's also playing havoc with his diabetes.

The first day was very hard on him--he says this is the worst pain he's ever experienced. They gave him really potent painkillers and now he's getting IV antibiotics. Luckily it seems to be getting better and there's even talk of him coming home tomorrow.

I'm getting too good at this whole routine. I'm spending way too much time in hospitals, between all of my mother's issues and now this. It all looks the same--pack a bag, go to the ER, make a list of symptoms and medications, repeat the entire story to every doctor, nurse, intern, and interested bystander, watch someone you love suffer, try to get a decent meal out of the vending machine, wait for a bed to be assigned, trudge up and get them settled, go find your car, grab a couple hours of sleep, deal with work, then head to the hospital. It's just too familiar these days.

Luckily it was a quiet week for work, so it wasn't a problem for me to miss a few days. And the hospital DH is in is really nice. All of the rooms are private, and they have room service menus and better cable than we have at home. There's even 32 on demand movies you can watch for free. I guess if one must go to the hospital this is probably about the best place to do it.

But I'm tired of the whole routine. I just want everyone to stay healthy for a while!!!

Football season is back upon us again! I'm so excited!

I've really missed it, and now I can't wait to watch my beloved Bears play the season.

We enjoyed last night's pre-season exhibition game, and next weekend we're going down to their training camp to watch the last two public practices.

Bears training camp is held at a small college about 90 minutes south of Chicago where there is no drinking (fine), swearing (fine), smoking (yay!), or dancing (huh?) allowed. Should be interesting to see. We're coming down on Friday for the afternoon practice and then staying the night down there and attending the Saturday practice.

In other news, I tried my first CVS ECB deal this week. They were offering $20 back on $20 worth of Kraft purchases and they had South Beach bars at the same price a decent sale at the grocery store would be. So I bought $20 worth and now I have $20 to spend at CVS in the next month or so. I'm hoping that will be profitable.

Otherwise it's been a fairly quiet week. More overtime for work, which I wasn't thrilled about. However between that extra pay and DH finally being reimbursed for some expenses I was able to make a big payment on my student loan. I've only got 4k left to go, which is awesome.

Of course what's kind of dumb about it is that they've lowered my interest rate again so it's just under 2.5%. Hardly makes financial sense to pay if off, but I just want it done, especially when it's so close to being paid!

Once I'm done with that loan (hoping by October) I'll probably split most extra money between beefing up the EF and the car fund--they're both funded but more could never hurt.

Maybe I'll also pull aside 2-3k as a baby fund, though I'll be horrified if I actualy spend that much outfitting a baby! I'm more of a hand-me-down/garage sale/thrift shop kind of gal.

I called my doctor and officially made my "I can't get pregnant" appointment today. We knew it was coming since it's rather unlikely we'll be able to conceive without a little help, but making the appointment made this whole baby thing feel really real.

It's funny, they made us "try" for 6 months, even though I have a known fertility issue (PCOS, for anyone who is interested), but even though technically it could have happened anytime in here we didn't take it too seriously because we knew the odds were against us.

They weren't able to get me until the end of the month, but in the meantime they want me to start cutting as many refined carbs as possible, both to help with the ultimate goal and also to help alleviate some of the annoying symptoms of untreated PCOS.

DH and I have already had a lot of long talks about this. The good news is that most women with my condition are able to get pregnant with fairly minimal treatment. So the odds are good and we're both fairly young (I'm 27 and he's 30). But he's also diabetic and I seem to have a fairly bad case of PCOS, so we'll see.

We've already agreed we're not willing to do injectable fertility drugs or IVF. To us it's not worth the cost, hassle, or potential risks. So if the first line treatments don't work that's it for us. We may consider adopting someday, but I also think we'd be perfectly happy childfree.

I'm sure the next few months are going to be quite an adventure!

We made it home safely last night, and actually had quite a smooth trip both ways.

I wish I could say I had a better time on this trip, but I just spent WAY too much of it working for it to really pass a vacation. We had some nice moments, but always with work hanging over my head.

We stayed at the Flamingo, which I will not do again and wouldn't recommend to anyone. While the location is great, the place is just not nice. We've decided the decor could be best described as klassy--lots of hot pink and gold. We were in one of the "Go Rooms" that looked like what would happen if Austin Powers and IKEA had a love child.

The hotel is old, complete with that old-casino stench, and the service is very hit or miss. Housekeeping as a real mess. Our room didn't get done up one day until almost 7:00pm! And half the time something (shampoo, hand towels, etc.) would be missing. After a few days of this I called to complain, and the guy just said they had 4,000 rooms and they were backed up. Well, unless some hotel fairy magically dropped new rooms on the hotel overnight, they've always had that many rooms and need to staff for them!

The problems continued and finally on our second to last night, I had enough. They had forgotten to give us any TP, and 4 hours after I called for some we STILL hadn't gotten it, so I went down to the front desk. The lady who helped me was nice, and they gave us about $60 in food and beverage comps, but even with her calling housekeeping on our behalf it took them almost an hour to finally deliver our supplies. Ugh!

Hotel problems and work nonwithstanding, we did manage to have some fun. We channeled our inner 90 year olds and played 3 sessions of bingo, and held our own $5 penny slot tournament (DH won, with $2.50 remaining after 15 minutes). Not to be outdone, I challenged him to a $5 nickel video poker duel and won. Lots of silly fun.

We also had an adventure heading out to a restaurant called Four Kegs that we'd seen featured on the Food Network show Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. The show featured their stromboli, which DH loves, so we had to make a trip. It was, as advertised, quite a dive, but the food was AMAZING! What made it really special for us was they had Sicillian pizza that tasted just like how DH's mom used to make it. When she passed away her recipe passed with her, and I was sad that he'd never get to have it again, so I was overjoyed to find this. It was a really nice moment for him to get to remember his mom's cooking like that.

So now it's back to the grind. I've got another "working trip"--this time to San Francisco--coming up next month. Hopefuly it will be more of a vacation next time!

This last week seemed to be our week for losing little bits of money for no good reason.

The first bit to slip though our fingers was a $4.75 fee to the currency exchange to get new registration stickers for DH's car. I called it the Lazy and Distracted Fee. Luckily it motivated me to get on the ball and mail in my renewal form in time to get my new sticker in the mail for free.

The second was more frustrating. After a long day of work the other day, DH stopped off on the way home to pick up Subway (no cooking that night since we were about to leave town and just got the kitchen cleared up) He also stopped off for drinks at the 7-11 next door and offered to pick me up a pint of Ben & Jerry's, because it had been that kind of day.

Well he gets home, and the carton of ice cream is nowhere to be found in all of his piles of stuff! He realized he must have paid for it and then left it on the counter at the 7-11. It was late and it would have been a 30 minute round trip to go back for it, so I tried to just let it go, but that one smarted! Over $4 for Chocolate Fudge Brownie I wasn't even going to get to enjoy!

The kicker is that DH came home the next day and sheepsihly told me that the Ben & Jerry's did make it home, it just rolled underneath the seat of his car and laid there melting all night. Thank goodness the seal held! That would have been an awful mess.

My company just signed a major new client about two months ago, and since then I've been buried under a deluge of work.

It's been so bad that my company broke down and actually consented to pay me overtime for the last several weeks, which has always been nearly unthinkable.

This is one of the first times in my life I've ever earned overtime, and I've been impressed with how much it's totally not worth it.

Time and half totally isn't worth giving up time with my family and giving my time for fun and rest. DH and I are scheduled to go to Vegas this Friday, and I'm going to have to take my laptop with me and work every day I'm out there. It's just not worth it.

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I got moved to a new team and I really don't see this getting a whole lot better. There may be lulls, but I can just see this happening over and over again.

Is it worth keeping the job? I don't know. But this the most serious I've been about possibly walking away. I need to think on this some more.

/jumps and waves hands frantically

Ooh! Right here! Pick me!

Our cat Magellan has been getting sick for the last week. He's no stranger to the occasional technicolor burst, but usually we can quickly identify what he managed to procure and eat, and go on yet ANOTHER round of kitty-proofing.

This time there has been no discernable cause, so we called the vet and they were able to squeeze him in this morning. He seemed a bit uncomfortable when they checked his belly, so they took x-rays, which showed a big black spot in his intestine.

The followed that up with a series of barium dye images, and found that the poor thing had a blockage. So he wound up having to have surgery today to clear it. He did really well and while they said his intestines were irritated, we caught this pretty early and no real harm was done.

He has to board at the vet's until Monday for observation. Our vet (who has really been great about this today) called this evening to say he stopped by to check on him and that they played for about an hour, so I guess he's none the worse for wear.

It's so quiet around the house without him. I wasn't planning on this large of a pet care expense this year, but that's why we keep savings, right?

Otherwise, things are going pretty well. DH seems to be coping with the loss of his mother pretty well, and has taken up HAM radio as a new hobby. Lucky me...

For my part, my mother continues to do pretty well and is regaining some of her independence. Work is very busy for me, but the projects I'm on are challenging and interesting. We'll be traveling to Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Disney World in the next few months, so I'm having lots of fun with trip planning.

I hope all is well with everyone else!

My DH's mother passed away this Wednesday. We've known she was sick for a while but none of us, her included, really thought her health would deteriorate so quickly or that she would really be gone so soon. She was only 59.

I've had some time in the past few days to really step back at look at our parents. His mom just passed, my mom (the same age) is confined to a wheelchair due to advanced cancer. Both of them worked all of their lives and won't be able to fully enjoy the fruits of their labor.

These kinds of times always prompt a great deal of self-reflection. What am I doing with my life? Who would come to my funeral? What would people say about my life? Will I work so hard all these years and have nothing to show for it?

I've been getting clobbered over and over this past year with the importance of health. We take so much for granted when we're young, and unfortunately it seems like once good health is gone all you're left with is regrets. DH and I have our own personal Ghosts of Christmas Yet to Come in our mothers and if we take anything from their situations I want it to be the importance of taking good care of ourselves.

These last 3 or 4 months have just been a blur of trying to juggle our work, our lives, and caregiving for our parents. I haven't made as much financial progress as I would have liked. We're not going backwards, but we sure aren't going too far forward either.

I feel like I need to grab the reins of my life and start steering again, instead of just holding on for dear life!

Oh well. There were some nice moments in the game, but it wasn't our year. Still, I'm proud of the guys and very happy to be in the game.

All the best to the Colts. A good game played by a very classy team!

We had a lovely trip to WDW. The weather was a bit cold for the first day, but it was really quite pleasant. The parks were delightfully uncrowded. In fact, we were given a Dream Fastpass (a prize from Disney's current Year of a Million Dreams celebration) and could barely use it because the lines were so low!

We stayed on budget and had a great relaxing break for all of the hub-bub at home.

What was lots of fun is that we cashed in our change jar right before we left and had almost $310!

I just have to get through the rest of today, then I'm done with work! We leave very early Sunday morning and will be staying through Friday!

I cannot wait! With everything that's been going on with our moms, I'm really looking forward to just getting away from reality for a week. And that is what WDW does best. Once you enter their property you're in this perfectly sanitized little bubble. I really, really need that for a few days.

The weather is supposed to be cool (but warmer than Chicago!) and we may get some rain, but I'm hoping crowds are low and we can just have a relaxed, leisurely time of it.

...you're the pride and joy of Illinois!
Chicago Bears, bear down!

Da Bears!!!

What a fun game! I can't believe we made it to the Superbowl! DH thinks I'm crazy, but I don't even much care if we win, I'm just thrilled to be there. I'd like to win, of course, but it's just nice to be in the game!

We watched the game today with some friends who are also passionate, rowdy Bears fans. My friend decided very early in the game that she would pour a round of shots for each touchdown. Needless to say she was quite worse for the wear by the time the game was over!

DH and I had bi-weekly cleaning service for about 4 years, but cancelled it early last year in an effort to save money. It's not that we were in a crisis, it just seemed that we could do better with the money.

10 months later, and we've come to the decision that adding it back is really the best option for us. DH and I just hate to clean. I don't mind routine stuff like dishes, laundry, and picking up, but I just hate to do the heavy stuff.

And so we just don't do it. And it gets dirty. And I work full time, but from home, so I'm here all day and the dirtiness drags me down. And DH is working 80 hours a week, so if it's going to get cleaned it's falling on me. We're starting to have those "you don't do anything around the house" fights.

I figure the cost of cleaning is cheaper than marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer! I guess it means we aren't perfect, but I sure think we'll be happier.

We just got our Jan bill from Comcast and it jumped over $35!!!

We were on a 12 month promotion, and unfortunately the promotion is up. I called Comcast and the first person I spoke to wasn't willing to extend the promotion or adjust our rate back down.

Soo, I guess we're shopping for new TV service. We have access to both Dish and DirectTV out here, so I think there will be enough competition to keep us at an acceptable level. All I really want is first-tier type cable and some kind of DVR.

DH's big TV will do HD, but I'm not crazy about what they're charging for it. Comcast says we'd be eligible for a new promotion in 6 months, so if the cost is feasable, maybe I can get him back on to it before football season starts next year.

Ugh...

What a game! I'm so happy the Bears were able to squeak it out!

I was a little worried because Gould doesn't have much experience as a long kicker and still has room to grow in that area, but his kick was beautiful and they all looked so happy afterwards!

Seattle was a very worthy adversary and played a heck of a game. Much respect to them.

But I'm just so happy for the home team!!! Can't wait to take on the Saints next week!

It's funny--I spent so long on the fence about kids but these days it's like someone flipped a switch and I'm ready NOW.

I've got another 11 weeks to go. I'm trying to use that time to clean up my habits so I'm ready to model good behaviors for my children.

My biggest goals are to begin regular exercise again and to lose 10% of my body weight before we start trying.

I used to walk around my neighborhood for most of my exercise but I have exercise-induced athsma and the cold weather really aggravated it. Now instead of going to my doctor and getting a new inhaler or using our ellipical trainer I just kind of stopped exercising. Good plan!

Watching my mom's condition has really made me realize how valuable a strong and well-conditioned body is.

My mom came home on Dec 29th and there has definitely been a period of adjustment but she's developing a system for most things. The house renovations are dragging on and it's been more complicated than we thought to get her a power chair but we're slowly making progress.

To complicate matters DH's mom has also taken seriously ill. She may not be with us for much longer--it's really hard to say. So now we're trying to make trips out to see them in Ohio when we can.

It's never dull around here. We're going to Walt Disney World at the end of the month and I just can't wait! I'm ready for a break.

Well, it seems DH brought home some kind of bug, and after finishing his turn with it passed it on to me!

I feel so icky. I was supposed to go up to the hospital today to see my mom, but I'm just not feeling up to it and she certainly doesn't need to get sick.

My mom has been doing very well at her rehab and is scheduled to go home this coming Friday. It will be very interesting to see how everything shakes out after that.

As for me, I guess I'll be spending the day on the couch drinking plenty of water and cheering the Bears on.

...actually "down the hall" might be more accurate.

My mom is moving out of her regular hospital room and into the rehab wing today. I'm so excited for her--now she can start really working on getting stronger and figuring out how she's going to adapt her life.

She seems to be very motivated to recover and get back to work. I'm hoping she can get back too, becuase she's only about 2 years shy of retirement. If she can just get to that point, a lot of her worries will be over.

We finished the ramp into her house and just put the order in for a tub to shower conversion yesterday. We're now working on adapting the rest of the bathroom and creating a washer/dryer hookup on the first floor of her house.

Once that's done we can start thinking about getting her wheelchair, replacing her bed, and getting some kind of accessible vehicle for her. That one's going to be a challenge--I can't believe how much they cost! New wheelchair vans seem to run about 40-45k!!! It almost seems like there's a "disability tax" on the purchase.

Lots to do and lots to figure out, but at least it seems like we've got some forward movement!

I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with my mom today.

To update on her condition, they were able to do her surgery on Monday. They found that the bone was as thin as eggshell, and unfortunately it fractured during the surgery. They were still able to implant the rod and patch up the bone, but her recovery is going to be longer and more painful than originally thought.

As for the unpleasant conversation, my mom has a man living with her who is a heavy smoker. For reasons we haven't been able to fully discuss (the roommate himself is a pretty touchy subject) she lets him smoke inside.

This makes her house and everything in it reek. I go over there and my eyes water, my throat gets irritated, and my athsma flares up so I start wheezing. Plus it permeates my clothes and hair and I have to immediately strip and shower when I get home. It's not pleasant. Usually we're only there about once a month, so I just put up with it.

Unfortunatley, due to her new condition, she's going to be spending much more time at home and will probably be needing some kind of help around the house. I had to let her know today that if she was still going to let him smoke inside I couldn't come over to her house.

Aside from the irritation and wheezing, I'm concerned about the effects of secondhand smoke on my health. As DH and I get closer to having a family, I worry about this more. I knew I would have to stop going over there when I got pregnant, and I would never be able to bring the baby over with the smoke, but I figured I needed to have the conversation sooner so she can make plans for how she's going to manage her life.

She seemed really shocked and didn't say much. My mom tends to shut down in uncomfortable situations and I think that's what she did. She finally mumbled something like "you need to do what you think is best" and kind of pretended to sleep for a few minutes. Then she changed the subject and we had a pretty good visit for the next few hours.

I know I hate how I feel and smell when I hang around her place. I know secondhand smoke is dangerous and I shouldn't be forced to be exposed to it. I know I need to look our for our future baby's health. I know it's not unreasonable to ask him to smoke outside.

Then why do I feel like such a heel? I feel like I'm rejecting my mom and abandoning her while she's down. I already told her I could still pick up/drop off things at the house and drive her places. Also, DH and I are going to get our own ramp so she can come over to our place anytime. But I still feel like an awful person for doing this.

I hope we can work something out...

My mom wound up getting admitted after her doctor's appointment. The side of her bone is paper-thin after the tumor eating away at it, so they're hoping to do surgery Monday to put a steel rod and some bone cement into her thigh to stablize the bone.

It's probably best she's in the hospital since she's not supposed to walk. So far I can't tell what kind of spirits she's in, but we had a couple of frank talks which seemed to indicate she's got a pretty realistic, practical view of what's going on.

As for getting along, it's going OK I guess.

Well, they confirmed it is cancer. She's got a malignant tumor in her thigh bone, metastasis from her original breast cancer.

We go to the ortho tomorrow, though I don't know what to expect from him. The cancer is eating away at my mom's bone, so the thin shell that's left isn't enough to support her. She's at a very high risk of fracture, so she's not able to walk or go to work. She'll be working from home and using a wheelchair for the near future.

Complicating the matter, my mom and I have a fair amount of baggage. Most of the time we're just excruciatingly polite to each other. Now, with all the stress and extra togetherness, I think we're going to have some trouble dealing with each other.

I've just got to try my best to find a balance between being there for her and making sure she doesn't walk all over me. Sigh...