I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with my mom today.

To update on her condition, they were able to do her surgery on Monday. They found that the bone was as thin as eggshell, and unfortunately it fractured during the surgery. They were still able to implant the rod and patch up the bone, but her recovery is going to be longer and more painful than originally thought.

As for the unpleasant conversation, my mom has a man living with her who is a heavy smoker. For reasons we haven't been able to fully discuss (the roommate himself is a pretty touchy subject) she lets him smoke inside.

This makes her house and everything in it reek. I go over there and my eyes water, my throat gets irritated, and my athsma flares up so I start wheezing. Plus it permeates my clothes and hair and I have to immediately strip and shower when I get home. It's not pleasant. Usually we're only there about once a month, so I just put up with it.

Unfortunatley, due to her new condition, she's going to be spending much more time at home and will probably be needing some kind of help around the house. I had to let her know today that if she was still going to let him smoke inside I couldn't come over to her house.

Aside from the irritation and wheezing, I'm concerned about the effects of secondhand smoke on my health. As DH and I get closer to having a family, I worry about this more. I knew I would have to stop going over there when I got pregnant, and I would never be able to bring the baby over with the smoke, but I figured I needed to have the conversation sooner so she can make plans for how she's going to manage her life.

She seemed really shocked and didn't say much. My mom tends to shut down in uncomfortable situations and I think that's what she did. She finally mumbled something like "you need to do what you think is best" and kind of pretended to sleep for a few minutes. Then she changed the subject and we had a pretty good visit for the next few hours.

I know I hate how I feel and smell when I hang around her place. I know secondhand smoke is dangerous and I shouldn't be forced to be exposed to it. I know I need to look our for our future baby's health. I know it's not unreasonable to ask him to smoke outside.

Then why do I feel like such a heel? I feel like I'm rejecting my mom and abandoning her while she's down. I already told her I could still pick up/drop off things at the house and drive her places. Also, DH and I are going to get our own ramp so she can come over to our place anytime. But I still feel like an awful person for doing this.

I hope we can work something out...

My mom wound up getting admitted after her doctor's appointment. The side of her bone is paper-thin after the tumor eating away at it, so they're hoping to do surgery Monday to put a steel rod and some bone cement into her thigh to stablize the bone.

It's probably best she's in the hospital since she's not supposed to walk. So far I can't tell what kind of spirits she's in, but we had a couple of frank talks which seemed to indicate she's got a pretty realistic, practical view of what's going on.

As for getting along, it's going OK I guess.

Well, they confirmed it is cancer. She's got a malignant tumor in her thigh bone, metastasis from her original breast cancer.

We go to the ortho tomorrow, though I don't know what to expect from him. The cancer is eating away at my mom's bone, so the thin shell that's left isn't enough to support her. She's at a very high risk of fracture, so she's not able to walk or go to work. She'll be working from home and using a wheelchair for the near future.

Complicating the matter, my mom and I have a fair amount of baggage. Most of the time we're just excruciatingly polite to each other. Now, with all the stress and extra togetherness, I think we're going to have some trouble dealing with each other.

I've just got to try my best to find a balance between being there for her and making sure she doesn't walk all over me. Sigh...

We made it back safely and had a lovely time in LA.

I was really thrown for a loop by food prices at Disneyland. I'm used to Walt Disney World prices, but Disneyland's were at least 30% higher! I paid $9 for a single breakfast burrito (just the burrito, nothing on the side) at the hotel snack bar. Since we were staying at Disneyland without a car, we just had to deal with it for the most part. Ouch!

Luckily I was able to economize for the rest of our trip. I came home $230 under budget, which is a nice bonus for us.

Unfortunately we came home to very unhappy news. My mother discovered she had breast cancer in 2003. She completed her treatment in early 2004 and has been doing pretty well since then. Unfortunately she developed some leg pain this spring and it's just been getting worse and worse. After doing all kinds of tests, the latest doctor thinks it actually might be cancer again.

We're still in the awful waiting and testing stage, but if it is cancer, the outlook isn't great. I'm trying not to get too upset until I have something to get upset about for certain. Still, it's weighing very heavily on my mind...

I'm trying to get the last of my work wrapped up so I've got nothing hanging over my head while we're on vacation. We leave Saturday so the next couple of days will be a blur of laundry, packing, getting paperwork together, etc.

It should be a really nice trip. Here's the plan:

Day 1 - Fly to LAX on the early flight and catch the Disneyland Express to the resort. Get settled, then hang out at Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure visiting the shows and smaller attractions instead of trying to fight the Saturday crowds for the rides.

Day 2 - Spend the day at Disney's California Adventure. Hopefully we'll be able to get up early and see all the major rides before the crowds get too heavy for the day.

Day 3 - Spend the day at Disneyland. We've got early entry, so hopefully we'll be able to see most everything we want. This evening we'll take the shuttle back to LAX and then catch a cab over to DH's convention hotel.

Day 4 - DH will be at his sessions. I'm going to take the metro up to Hollywood & Highland and do the whole tourist thing on Hollywood Boulevard. I've got to get back early because one of DH's vendors got tickets for the Tonight Show taping that afternoon. It should be lots of fun to see! Afterwards we'll probably just go back to the conference's welcome reception.

Day 5 - I'm going to the Getty Center. We didn't rent a car, and LA traffic makes me want to curl up the fetal position anyways, so I'm going to take the city bus up there. I've mapped out the route and it's going to be kind of a long trip, but it should be kind of a nice tour of the city. That evening DH's conference has bought out Universal Studios, and there's a rumor there will be a concert there too. I'm so excited for this!

Day 6 - I'm going to take it easy this day. Maybe I'll go visit the Science Center or Natural History Museum (I'm a geek, what can I say?) Or maybe I'll sleep in and go check out some of the sights downtown like the Disney Concert Hall and the main library. That night I think DH is going to go with some friends to Commerce Casino to play poker. They have a comedy club--I might tag along for dinner and then catch the show while DH plays. If he's still going when the show is out I'll just catch a cab back to the hotel. I'm sure I'll be ready to crash by then!

Day 7 - We can sleep in and take our time packing before heading back to LAX and our flight home!

I'm excited for the trip, but I always miss our cats and after a while you just want to get back to your own bed. I'm a firm believer in the saying "East or West, home is best!"